The Top 5 Most Obnoxious Karaoke Bar Songs EVER
Back in the day when I was a karaoke hostess (please get the pointing and laughing out of the way so we can move on), there were songs that patrons signed up for that actually threatened to turn me into an alcoholic. Would-be singers would give me the title and I would write it down then yell “Bartender!”
Part of the problem with these songs was that they’ve already been played to death on the radio, yet they are continuously foisted on us at karaoke bars. Dear Lord, someone make these people stop!
In my upcoming release, Dangerous Wish (Uniform Encounters 6), Jared Li an EMT and flashy twink gets the chance to meet Dan Harrison, a shy National Guardsman at a karaoke bar. Their mutual friend introduces them, and that’s where all the trouble begins. There’s a lot of drinking, dancing and bad singing, and it all leads up to an encounter that wasn’t thought through very well I’ve noticed that happens a lot when people drink. Ahem. Dan may be falling for Jared, but Jared’s in it for the fun. There’s a lot of clubbing involved, but then things get serious when there’s a massive earthquake in Southern California and the Guard is called in to help.
Before I give you a glimpse into Dan and Jared’s night out, here are the most loathsome karaoke songs ever:
5. The Rose – Bette Midler. It just plods and plods and plods along and you wonder if your life will be over before the song is. I cried the first 47 times I heard it. I’m done.
4. Twist and Shout – Anybody Who’s Ever Done It. You’re not Ferris Bueller. Get over it. On a random side note, La Bamba is the exact same song. Think about it.
3. Sweet Child of Mine – Guns & Roses. Oh my holy crap. You are not going to sound better than Axel Rose’s caterwauling. Please don’t. (Ladies, this means you too).
2. Love Shack – The B 52’s. Okay, I get it. It’s a fun party song that you can get a group of your friends up to sing cuz you’re all drunk and it’ll be fun and it really doesn’t matter if you can sing or not cuz who really cares… I DO AND SO DO THE OTHER REASONABLY SOBER PEOPLE IN THE ROOM.
And the number one all time worst karaoke bar song ever goes to:
American Pie. Oh wait, damn. I forgot about Desperado by the Eagles. Hmmm…that brings to mind Hotel California, aargh, just the thought of that one makes my stomach turn. Oh never mind, they all suck. Here’s a scene from Dan and Jared’s karaoke night.
Excerpt from Dangerous Wish (Uniform Encounters 6)
Pretending to be terribly interested in what Joseph was saying, Jared had kept an eye on Dan in his peripheral vision. Something nagged at him. Obviously, he was going to need another drink soon—it seemed the five different types of liquor in his AMF weren’t clouding his conscience enough. He was hot for Dan and really wanted to have fun. He was sure Dan did too, but Joseph was acting like a mother hen about his buddy. It was such a buzz kill.
Dan had returned with an identical blue drink. As he’d sat down, Jared had noticed how he had tried to subtly move the chair closer to him. They’d toasted one another then the music had come on—the host croaking through a cringe-worthy performance of some Roy Orbison song. He kept peering at Dan when he was sure Dan wouldn’t notice—gauging whether there was any chance the young man would make a move on his own. Nope.
That must be what Joseph had meant about Dan needing guidance.
Leaning in so Dan could hear him over the caterwauling, he spoke right next to his ear.
“I warned you.”
Dan nodded, laughing. It wasn’t a loud, attention-drawing noise. It was easy. Comfy, like home. Dan inclined his head toward him.
“Are you going to sing?”
“No, but I might dance. That is, if they ever play anything worth shaking my ass to.”
Jared didn’t miss how Dan’s eyes had widened slightly and his lips had pressed together when Jared had mentioned his potential ass-shaking.
“Do you ever sing when you’re here?”
Jared shrugged. “It depends. They haven’t gotten any new Lady Gaga since her first album—yawn—and the same goes for Britney. I asked Ted, the host, if he could get Britney’s Work Bitch and he looked at me as if I were from some uncharted galaxy. I think I frighten him.”
“He’s obviously missing out by not accommodating you.”
Jared raised his eyebrows. Dan had said it with such sincerity.
“You are so right, Dan. Especially since I love being accommodated.”
Yup. He had Dan’s attention all right. Dan had swallowed particularly hard on Jared’s last statement.
Their gazes locked, but the music interrupted. Macarena blared through the speakers and Rigo jumped from his seat, vainly tugging on Carla to dance with him. Jared watched as she gestured ‘no’ with her head and hand, laughing. He made a sad face and Stephen leaned over Joseph to speak to him and Dan.
“Why don’t you two kids go out there and dance with Rigo. Maybe keep him from hurting himself.”
Without another thought, Jared leapt to his feet. Looking down at Dan, he thought what he might be interpreting on Dan’s face was sheer terror. He held out his hand, bending down so only Dan could hear.
“May I have this dance?”
Barely nodding, Dan rose from his seat, taking Jared’s hand. His grasp was firm, assured in a way that Dan’s expression wasn’t. Being held by such a young and strong soldier would be amazing. Being plowed by him would be even better. As they walked with their fingers laced to the dance floor, Dan finally taking the lead, Jared wondered how old he might be. Not that it really mattered, but Jared was twenty-seven and he seriously doubted that Dan was anywhere near him in age. If he’d been bartending, he would’ve carded him two or three times at least—just to be sure.
Now that they were standing, he realized Dan was a couple of inches shorter than Jared’s six foot frame.
Of course, if I’m bent over a piece of furniture, it won’t be noticeable at all.
Once they reached Rigo, Jared could see Stephen’s point—the man was working it, but not in a good way. He reluctantly let go of Dan’s grip to tap Rigo on the shoulder.
“I don’t think that’s how the dance goes.” He tried to control his laughter.
“I don’t care. This is my version. I’m betting it will revive this song and sweep the nation.”
Jared chortled. “Um… Good luck with that.”
He turned back to Dan, who stood there expectantly with his hands stuffed into his pockets, rocking back and forth on his heels with an almost pained look on his face. Jared tugged at Dan’s wrists, freeing his hands from their denim prison.
“Jared, I’m not much of a dancer…”
“Don’t be silly, everyone can do this dance…” He glanced over at Rigo and snorted. “Well, except for him apparently. Anyway, just follow my lead.”
Jared went through the movements, Dan watching him intently, brow furrowed, lips pressed together. It was the cutest.
“Come on, now you try.”
“I don’t know…”
“On the count of four, arm, arm, now palm up, up—good! Shoulder, shoulder, head, head, hip, hip, butt, butt, figure eight…”
As soon as Jared undulated his hips down in the dance move, Dan froze, his lips slightly parted as he gaped at Jared.
Dan shook his head, the play of a smile on his lips. “I can’t move like that.”
Jared jumped to the side to continue the dance then peered over his shoulder. “Oh, I’m betting you can if properly motivated.”
Dangerous Wish is available on pre-order now at Totally Bound and will be available for early download Friday, July 11th: https://www.totallybound.com/dangerous-wish
Keep up with my shenanigans at: www.morticiaknight.blogspot.com